A Man Like My Dad

I’m sure you’ve heard that girls pick husbands who remind them of their fathers.  I don’t know how true it is all the time, but sometimes I’m sure it plays out.  In my case, I wasn’t looking for anything specific, but I found a man who actually does have some traits in common with my dad.  There are some definite differences too, but recently I was surprised to realize one pretty big similarity.

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Mouse or Hawk?

This morning, before yoga class started, I had a few minutes to wait.  The room has a wall of windows and I always enjoy looking through the windows at what’s going on outdoors.  This morning I wandered to the windows to enjoy the sunshine and check out the morning commute and a few things happened.

  1. From the doorway to the room, you can see through the whole wall of windows.  You can see a couple of parking lots, four lanes of traffic, trees, people, and the sky beyond.  As you get closer to the window, the view narrows and you can’t see as far without turning your head to the left or right.  I know, this isn’t rocket science, but just something I took note of this morning.
  2. From the doorway, the windows look clear and everything seems visible.  As I got closer I noticed how the outside of the windows were dirty, rain-spattered, and my view became blurrier.
  3. I realized that once I was at the windows, I could see between the dusty spots and really focus on something.  There was a woman walking to her car from a store.  She might have just come from the gym, based on how she was dressed, or perhaps would be coming over for a workout after grabbing whatever was in her bag.  Details that got blurry in the mid range and that I couldn’t see from afar, were distinct with this focus.

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Paula’s Banana Bread

PYears ago I went to grad school.  It was a small class of a couple dozen students who would get to know each other fairly well in two very short years.  We were all learning to be therapists – slaying some of our own dragons in order to better help our clients with theirs. For a few years, our lives were fairly intimately intertwined.

During those years, I made some important friendships and decent-sized realizations about my life.  For example, on the very first day of class I found that I didn’t have the assumption that being married meant someone was heterosexual.  This was before there were words for all the many versions of self that exist now (asexual, pansexual, etc.) and before the days of same sex marriage.  I don’t think I’d ever put much thought into the subject before that day, but I suddenly knew, and voiced, that a person married to someone of a different gender could be any sexuality.  And that was on day one!

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Getting Grounded

In my last post I mentioned the idea of grounding.  In fact, I’ve mentioned it a few times (here, here, and this one).  It’s not a bad concept to familiarize yourself with.  There are many ways to ground yourself and it can be an effective method to help with anxiety, PTSD, or just life.  It’s really about finding your peace in that moment.  I just read a book (Holding Up the Universe, by Jennifer Niven) in which one of the characters uses her memories of her mother’s calming voice to help her regain control over her breathing during panic attacks.  This is a thing.  A good thing.

In fact, my yoga teacher mentioned grounding this morning.  She’s from Holland originally and commented that there they actually hug trees, not just talk about it.  I was intrigued.

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On-Kilter

Today started out pretty rough.  I’m trying to get used to a new schedule and it feels a little forced still.  Nothing is habit yet and I keep forgetting things – like dinner.  (Oh yeah, I need to provide that for people.  huh.)  So, by lunch time I’d sworn under my breath (out loud) at a woman in the store who ran her cart into mine (and acted like nothing happened), hydroplaned over a median (no injuries or damage) on the way home from grocery shopping, reacted to my children with (a bit much) passive-aggressive rudeness, and beaten myself up over how off I felt (I considered calling this post, “I Suck Today.”)  So, all-in-all, not a great morning.

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Breathing

I’ve been quiet on here for a bit.

I’ve been sitting around picnic tables, on boats, and in the car (a lot!) and taking in life.  I’ve been visiting with family and friends.  I’ve been laughing and crying, sometimes at the same time.  I’ve been sipping on beverages and discussing everything from Navy life to kids to dreams to worries.  I’ve been getting back in to yoga.  I’ve been connecting with myself and my energy.

I’ve been breathing.

Today I started writing again.  Hopefully that means that soon I’ll have more to publish here and we’ll gather back here on a more regular basis again.  In the meantime, though, go breathe.

(About this blog.  If you have any topics you’d like me to touch on, just let me know.)

 

 

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Know Why.

Four years ago, in a place we think of as home, a little girl – just six years old – was reported missing, searched for, and later found buried in the mud.  She had been raped and killed by blunt force and possibly strangled as well.  It was a situation that brought the entire area to it’s knees then, and again now as sentencing was decided today.  It makes me sick to my stomach and jittery just thinking about it, let alone typing that out.  But there’s more.

The man who committed this crime was 17 years old at the time.  Thankfully he plead guilty, saving the family from a trial.  Today, in a statement that his lawyer read prior to sentencing he said, “I wish I could make amends for it.  I don’t know why I did it.”

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