Head Heavy

Just as I was drifting off to sleep last night I had the thought, “You should call Grandma tomorrow.”  I felt myself smile.  Then I got sad before I even recognized why.  The reality jolted me awake.  Neither of my grandmothers is alive anymore.  They were both a wonderful, reassuring part of my childhood.  I love that I had that with them and am thankful that their love is still with me.  I thought about them both for a time, not knowing why they were on my mind, but glad that they were.

Then, this morning, while catching up on Facebook, a friend posted about her grandmother’s passing and how she was struggling with that.  I think that’s why I thought of my own lost loves last night, to feel with my friend today.  Thanks for the love to share, Grandmas!

That was just the beginning of my heavy head, though… Continue reading

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To Start Again, Start Somewhere

My last post was almost three months ago.  The day after I wrote and posted it, we got those long awaited orders and all the coiled energy from waiting was released!  We sprung into action and the kids and I left Washington state after many tears and hugs.  We enjoyed a long road trip to the East Coast and then a summer of even more travel began!

We took three trips, of varying lengths, to see family.  Each time included 14 hours of driving, round trip.  We even took time to visit some sights along the way and to unpack our house when my husband arrived with boxes and boxes and boxes.

Through it all, I focused on the adventure, the positives, the excitement.  Right up until I couldn’t anymore.

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The Tough Stuff

“We must learn to talk about the most difficult things, easily.”
Srividya Srinivasan

I was looking for a quote the other day and stumbled across this one.  I absolutely love it!  I don’t know what, specifically Ms. Srinivasan was thinking about, but I can think of SO many topics that it fits.

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How I Do It

We’re in limbo.  It’s common in the Navy.  Our eleven-year-old was just laughing yesterday about how the submarines never leave on time.  “They say they’re going to leave one day and then they don’t.  It’s always at least a day or two later.”  She’s not wrong, either.

And she shared a story with me about a friend of hers, also a military child, who was talking about her family’s upcoming move a few months from now.  Gracie and she giggled together that all the planning in the world can’t make orders come any faster.  Our family is supposed to leave in a couple of weeks and still don’t have those orders in hand.  Maybe I should send Tyler out to hunt them down in his Australian accent.  “We’re on the hunt, mates.  We’re trying to find the elusive orders in their natural habitat.  Quiet, now.  Don’t wanna spook ’em.”

Or maybe I’m finally losing it.  Crikey!

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Recently I drove by a school after hours and saw a woman I can only guess might have been a teacher leaving for the day.  She had a bag in each hand and looked exhausted.  She paused to readjust her grip and closed her eyes for a minute saying some silent prayer or curse – not sure which.  And I wondered what the rest of her story might be.  Had she had a difficult day?  Had she finally had a breakthrough with a challenging student?  Was she headed home to a lonesome and quiet house?  Was she bracing herself for the rush of children or pets that would greet her at the door?  Was her mother ill or had her father just remarried?  Did she hate cooking dinner every night or relax with a glass of wine and classical music while chopping vegetables?  What was going on that the eyes couldn’t see?

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I Forget Its Hard

I’ve been working on this post for weeks…pretty much since I last posted in March.  It’s now May.  It seems to be hitting me often lately…how hard this life truly is.  It may be my day to day, but that doesn’t make it easier.  I may have developed coping skills to help with the heartache of saying see ya later, but it’s still hard.

Every hug with a lump in my throat…every deep sigh in the car outside a coffee shop… every pat on the leg by my preteen who sees the stress I can’t even begin to hide…it’s all a reminder that this is hard.

Every time my nine year old points out, “That’s probably the last time, ever, that I’ll (fill in the blank)”…every time our thirteen year old asks to get together with friends, friends he won’t see anymore in a matter of weeks…every time our daughter pats my on the leg because she sees the stress I’m not at all good at hiding…I remember that this is hard.

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Blessed By You

You’ve probably heard that we are who we are because of the life we’ve lived.  The things that happen in our youth help shape who we come as adults.  Those opinions we form in our impressionable teen years influence our lives decades later.  Even things that happen in our adulthood can impact us a little…or a lot.  That’s life!  It’s always giving us opportunities to grow.

What I find important to acknowledge, though, is that it’s not just what happens in our lives.  We are also who we are because of who happens to be in our lives.

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