I remember when I turned 30 I was a little surprised that all the goals I’d made at twenty hadn’t magically happened! I realized that not only did one need goals, but a plan for achieving them as well. So I worked on that, and now…it’s been another decade, and there’s another surprise!
I’m almost 40 years old, which my children will quickly tell you is definitely ‘mid-life’ (“Eighty isn’t a guarantee for anyone, Mama!”) and am still learning about who I am. I wouldn’t say I’m finding myself. I haven’t necessarily felt like running off and searching for who I am (although some days that’s tempting). I’m certainly still learning and adjusting to new knowledge and tweaking my goals based on all that, though. I’m realizing what my natural gifts are. I’m still finding ways to be comfortable with me.
Now that I’m nearing this milestone, I feel like being a 40-year-old work in progress probably isn’t completely uncommon. However, that’s a recent awareness. I guess, before now, I thought that by the time you were in your 40s you’d have a firm grasp on things like who you are, where you’re headed, and the meaning of life. I figured mid-life crises were due to boredom with your lot in life, not having to do with anxiety regarding not even knowing what your lot it life is!
It should also be said, that I do realize not everyone is unclear about the meaning to their life at this point in their life. And I know that many people do change jobs or careers in their 40s or 50s or whenever they’ve had enough of 9-5 and suit and ties and can’t resist the calling to bake cakes! There’s a lot of different people in the world…there are bound to be different paths to all of our lives.
Some people know what they want to do as soon as they clear elementary school. And they don’t lose sight of that goal throughout the torment of middle school, the stress of high school, the overwhelmingness of college. Those people retire at 62 1/2 from the same career path that caught their attention at twelve. And that’s great. Yay them.
There are others who fall into jobs or volunteer positions or family roles or what have you…that find themselves through fate or fortune in a place they feel fulfilled in. They might search around early on, but by now they’ve got it down. Points to this group too.
And there are those that don’t have the luxury of yearning for more, or that simply have to survive. There are those that work two jobs and are too tired at the end of the day to wonder about what they might be missing out on, what could inspire or satisfy them more. My heart goes to this group of people.
I’m part of what I imagine is a small sampling. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who not only supports our family financially, but nudges me toward my dreams even when he doesn’t understand them. I’ve been able to dream, wonder, ponder, think, try…and then recover. Remember how I said I’m a work in progress? Part of that has been learning where to focus my energies, how to say no to the things that might be worthy, but aren’t my priorities. I’ve thankfully discovered that I don’t need to do everything, but it took me a bit to get there. Now I’m facing the question – if not everything, then what will my something be?
Another reason I think I might be one of just a scant few is that I have a fairly rare personality type, if you buy into that sort of thing. According to 16Personalities, who’s personality test has its roots in the tests I learned about in Psych 101, I am an INFP – a Mediator. We mediators are only 4% of the population. See? I’m especially unique. Especially when you take into consideration all the pieces of my puzzle. I’m a supported, encouraged, free to dream kind of girl with, “an inner flame and passion that can truly shine (16Personalities.com).”
So, here I am…months from turning the big 4-0. I’m just beginning to understand what my dreams might mean…or maybe I’m just beginning to really dream. Maybe I don’t even know what to dream yet! Yet, here I am. Let the surprises keep coming!
Sips of Stillness 