This Month

Do you have a month that you see never lose site of?  A month that you always plan for, dread, get excited about…something?  Something that stands out more about one particular month than all the others?  I know I’m not the only one.

I know people who have “birthday months,” where everyone in their family was born in that particular month.  It’s a joyous month.  Grand celebrations commence.  And deep sighs are given at the end when they can finally put their feet up…and start planning for the the next year’s birthday extravaganza!

I know other people who have a month that’s always on their mind for awful, hard reasons.  One friend comes to mind who’s son was born and a year later died in the same month.  That month is filled with such pain for her.

Do you have a month?  I do.

This month.  May.  But it stands out not as great, not as awful, but as everything.  As big.  As a lot.

It’s not only the month we celebrate mothers, but the month I first became a mother.  Our first child turns thirteen next week.  His due date was the anniversary of the day I was raped.  Quite thankfully he decided to come another day and I get to celebrate him each year in this month.  One set of my grandparents celebrated over 60 wedding anniversaries during Mays past.  One of my best friends married her husband on that same date, which must be a sign of many blessed years together.  My little sister and her husband shared their vows on the day after.  My Dad’s birthday is the tale end of the month, and his mother’s birthday was June 1st (the day after his).  I know June 1st isn’t in May, but it’s really close and I was already thinking about Grandma anyway.  Because of Mother’s Day, where I have a lot to find joy in.  There’s my mother, my mothers-in-law (I have two!), my grandmothers (who’ve passed away), my husband’s grandmothers (some still with us, some who’ve passed), friends who sometimes mother me in the best of ways and friends who mourn the mothers they’ve lost.  That day alone packs a punch, but I’m a roller coaster of emotions the whole month long!  And, if that wasn’t enough, there’s more – Military Spouse Appreciation Day, Mental Health Awareness Month, the month I graduated from college and grad school, Armed Forces Day, and Memorial Day.

It’s a lot.  That’s a huge paragraph.  I’m just going to sit with it for a minute.

…and breathe…

Ok.  I’m back.  I don’t know what you did during that little break, but I cried, sipped some coffee, messaged a friend to tell her thank you for being her, and read a chapter in a book about Reiki.  Now I’m ready to tell you more about what this month means to me.

You might be able to clearly see that it’s filled with highs and lows.  But maybe what isn’t so evident is that each anniversary, date, and holiday falls into both categories.

I won’t go over everything, we’d be here all night.  But here are a few examples of why May is a mighty month for me.

When I think of being a military spouse, I’m filled with pride (it runs deep, after all, in the submarine world that my husband serves in).  I’m proud of my husband and the job he does, the role he has in his little corner of the Navy that’s part of the Armed Forces that serve and protect our country.  So much humble respect for him and amazed honor for the supporting role he chose me for – his wife.  This last 16 years hasn’t been all “Go Navy!” though.  There have definitely been rough patches and tears.  But getting through those times is one of the reasons that I’ll smile to myself on the Friday before Mother’s Day and outwardly thank the other spouses that stand by their sailors and soldiers.  It’s not a role that’s meant for everyone.  But military spouses certainly do deserve a special thank you.

As our oldest, Jace’s birthday signifies my aging more than my own does.  His milestones hit me harder.  When I turned 30 I was like, “Whatev, yo!”  But when he turned seven years old (and no, I don’t know why), it was a big deal to me – really hard to swallow.  Since that random year, his birthdays haven’t hit me quite as hard, but they’re still a big deal.  They signal something new not only for him, but for all of us.  We’ve never had a kid that’s this new age before.  This year he’ll be turning thirteen!  And that’s one year closer to whatever comes next for him, one year closer to my role being something vastly different than it is now.  I’m not a basket case, I’m just a thinker.  And when you’re raising kids…there’s a lot to think about.

spring

So, you can see where May holds special meaning for me.  Sometimes a song comes or I read or hear something and the punch it throws knocks the air out of me.  This freaking month.  Other times I swell with pride or joy or love.  This blessed month.  The energy that swirls through me this time of year.  The energy that exists around me in the spring, my favorite season.  All the renewal.  The shedding.  The growth.  This month.

I don’t know what your month is, if you’ve got one.  I don’t know if it’s a struggle to get through or incredible to look forward to.  But I know that life ebbs and flows.  There are highs and lows, good times and bad – sometimes all in the same day or the same month.  And I know that one breath, one hug, one journal entry, one party, one walk in the woods, one good cry, one whatever you need at a time…we can get through it.  The good and the bad, and even this month.

Advertisements

About Annie

I am an occasionally confident, mostly comfortable woman. That hasn't always been the case, but, I have to say, it feels good to be at this place in my life now! As a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend I hope to inspire, educate, and grow with all my readers through this blog. I embrace life and strive to find a refreshing glass of lemonade no matter how many lemons life tosses my way. I'm glad you're joining me on this journey. Cheers!
This entry was posted in Deep Breaths and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to This Month

  1. Pingback: Simple Beauty | Sips of Stillness

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s