I’ll openly admit that one of my biggest fears is feeling helpless. I don’t like things to be out of control. I used to want everything in MY control, but I have worked on that and now just like everything to happen semi-according to a plan, even if it’s not mine.
So, days like today derail me. My kids are sick. Not one or two, but all three children. I dislike when they pass it from one to another and there’s sickness for weeks and weeks. I dislike when there’s illness at all. But having all three not feeling well…well, that sucks. And there’s nothing I can do. That also sucks.
I am helpless.
So, my poor husband calls from work to ask me a simple question, which I answer, and then freak out a little about coughing and doctor’s appointments. I can hear in his voice, though, that he’s at work and has some of that to do. He loves and supports me in making the decisions at home. So, I take a breath and tell him I love him and will see him when he gets home.
Fast forward to the poor guy getting home to a harried housewife and three sick children. (It’s a glamorous life, isn’t it?) He kisses me hello and I barely pay him attention. He tells me a story about work that ends with, “He’s an adult and adults can do what they want.” That broke me.
“No they can’t. They have to make doctor’s appointments for kids that may or may not need them. They have to go sit in doctor’s offices with all sorts of sick people and a kid who’s got a cold, yes a long and not great cold, but a cold that is already weakening her immune system. They have to wait for a doctor who flat out told me last time that only the first appointment of the day is on time and who’s probably going to say, ‘She has a cold.’
(Panting breath, teary eyes.)
I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t make her better. I don’t think she’s dying, but in case I’m wrong I made an appointment. The other two are sick. I don’t like this.”
Because he’s a good man and loves and supports me, he wrapped me in his arms. He kissed me again. This time I paid more attention. And he told me that no matter what I do, it’s right even if it feels wrong.
All my tears and fears are banished by this man. I’m a lucky, lucky gal.